Silent Encounters

"I am becoming more and more aware that solitude indeed makes you more sensitive to the good in people and even enables you to bring it to the foreground." - Henri Nouwen, The Genesee Diary

I came across this quote while reading for my Mass Comm class and it has captivated me for weeks now.  You see, Scripture says that God does not reveal Himself through earth shattering winds, nor does He reveal Himself through devastating earthquakes, but instead He chooses time and time again to reveal Himself in the form a "still small voice" (1 Kings 19).

Simply, we find God in the silence and the stillness.  Prophets of the Ancient Near East would venture to the tops of mountains in order to encounter God, spending hours in prayer and solitude, waiting on the word of the Lord.

But what does this "solitude" mean within the context of our relationships with one another?  What is it that Nouwen could be hinting at?

Here's the conclusion I have come to after examining this quote, and let me be clear, I am in no way suggesting that this is a biblical fact, because the truth is I don't know if it is or not, I just simply felt that this question would be a very interesting topic to explore.

First, The Genesee Diary was composed by Nouwen during a seven-month period spent in a Trappist monastery while on sabbatical.  Contrary to popular belief, Trappist monks do not take a vow of silence, but instead choose only to speak when absolutely necessary.  The remainder of their time is spent in contemplative thought and prayer.  This means that more often than not, Nouwen would have been in complete silence and solitude; free from interruption and distraction, and able to think and pray.

Second, "good" is the definition of God.  In Mark 10:18, Jesus says "No one is good-except God alone," in Psalm 25, David refers to God's character as "good and upright," and Psalm 119:68a says "You are good, and what You do is good."  To say it plainly, who God is and what God does is good.

Finally, when applying these concepts to Nouwen's quote the question then becomes; if given the opportunity to dwell in solitude while in contemplative thought and prayer over our relationships, and if "good" is the definition of God, then does solitude make you more sensitive to God's presence in people?

Could it then be safe to say that in the silence, when we eliminate the noise and commotion of everyday life, and really take the time to slow down and pray for someone, that we are more likely find and encounter God in them?

Refreshment Anyone?

This morning, as I stopped by one of my favorite coffee shops to get some work done, I ran into a friend of mine named David.  I first met David my junior year of high school when I would help to lead worship at a local church in Glendora on Tuesday nights.  David was a volunteer small group leader with a heart for the Lord and a passion for ministry that made him one of the key leaders of the group.  Week in and week out, he would continually put himself in a place where God could move through him to reach the local junior high and high school students.

Simply put, he has allowed God to change lives through him.

We got to spent a few minutes catching up and during our conversation, the marathon that is Easter weekend came up.  I got to share with David my excitements and concerns regarding Easter and when I had finished, he said of one the most refreshing things I have heard in a long time...

"I will be praying for you."

I have noticed a trend lately in the Christian community that has made the phrase "I'll be praying for you" almost a greeting rather than a sincere statement of love, but this time was different.  These words were different.  They were genuine and true, and had weight to them.  They were a promise.

I immediately thought of Philemon 1:7, which says, "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord's people."

Without a doubt, one of the greatest forms of love is to go before the Lord on behalf of someone else, and I'm honored that David would do that for me.  To bring someone before the God of the universe is not something to be taken lightly, and it was refreshing to once again hear those words in their true, genuine nature.  

So thank you David, I appreciate it, and I'll be praying for you too this Easter.

Lessons Learned From Love Wins

Truthfully, the world doesn't need another review of Love Wins.

There are too many pastors out there who feel some sort of "calling" or that it is their "responsibility" to make some sort of statement about Rob Bell's latest book.  Its no secret that the majority of these "reviews" have just been excuses for Bell's enemies to publicly attack him behind the safety and security of their home computer screens.  Tell me if I'm wrong, but something about that just doesn't seem right...  

Now I must been truthfully honest with you, I have not yet finished reading Love Wins, so I have no right to state my opinion on the ideas that Bell offers, but with that truth on the table, I would like to offer one thought.

What can we learn from Love Wins?

Not the text, but simply, these two words.

In the early hours of the church, believers met together in community to commune, to pray, and to learning.  I think there's something more to be said about this scenario than Acts 2:42 initially reveals.  In these gatherings, believers would have been free to express and discuss ideas regarding their scriptural interpretations in an atmosphere of love and security.  Behind closed doors, ideas could have been safely discussed, rejected or accepted, all the while maintaining a level of love and respect for the teacher.

I believe its within this Acts 2:42 context that we find the most appropriate application of the words "love wins."

Yes as the body of Christ we are all entitled to our opinions about issues regarding faith, but if we refuse conduct ourselves in love when coming to and sharing our conclusions, we might as well keep our mouths shut.

Opinions of this book may undoubtedly vary, but there is indeed one truth that must certainly be taken:  When classless, public slander goes to war with compassionate, private disagreement, Love Wins.

Seasons

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

I couldn't stop thinking about this verse last night as I sat with friends watching a close friend debuting his new EP to a crowded room of listeners and onlookers at an event called INK.  With songs that were soothing yet dynamic, the room soon began to buzz with excitement over the new material.  But with all of the noise surrounding me, I couldn't help but wrestle with the Ecclesiastes passage.

You see, just as I was brought on staff a few months ago, James decided to leave and follow a calling to a church plant in Orange County.  As excited as I was for him to follow this opportunity, I was also pretty crushed.  

James was a mentor to me, someone who I had looked up to for years.  Every time I had the opportunity to lead with James, I would always try my hardest to soak in as much as I could, shadowing his every move.  James has a supernatural ability to bring a congregation before the Lord in worship, to bring people before the presence of God and passionately worship Him.  I don't know how to put it any other way than "I wanna do that!"  

But above that, James was a close friend.  He was always available for me to talk to, whether it be about worship leading, frustrations, or even girls.  He was someone who I could trust with anything and who would always fill me up.  I can't even begin to say how may times he talked me down from quitting or giving up on things.  He was someone who saw the potential in people and encouraged them to fulfill their callings.  People say they see a lot of him in me.

In the time following James' departure, I was a mess.  I cried myself to sleep for about two weeks.  It may sound a little vulnerable to say, but its true.  I felt like I was suddenly without a safety net.  I felt alone at work.  I felt like I had lost a friend.  I was scared.  As time has gone on, we've been able to keep in contact and stay good friends, but I won't say I don't miss being able to hang out with him every week.  

It was about midway through a song called "The Wind and the Waves" last night that I began to grasp the Ecclesiastes verse.  I'm so thankful for the time that I was blessed to work with my friend James because I wouldn't be the man I am now if it weren't for him.  Although it was hard to say goodbye, its become pretty clear to us that it was necessary in God's eyes.  The church plant is being blessed with some unbelievable opportunities, making it obvious that God was and is deeply involved in what is happening in Orange County.  Although I still miss our pop-punk jam sessions, conversations about scarves and pointy toed shoes, and the privilege in leading the 530 service with him, I can say I'm excited to see what God does through him in Irvine, Costa Mesa, and the surrounding areas.  

Our season of serving together has come to an end for now, and it has been one of the most memorable times of my life.  Hopefully in the future we will be blessed to serve together again, but until then we'll continue to serve where God has called us to be.

As we watched the first act go on, James and I stood in the back of the worship center, catching up and talking music.  We were shortly thereafter joined by a friend and coworker of ours, Rachel.  After talking for a while, she departed, but not before remarking about how having both original James and the "new James" on her team for this year's event had set the bar at a new level.  I smiled, thinking to myself, "Just like old times..."

Truth Be Told

I'm pretty burnt out, there's no doubt about it.  I work in a profession where half of what we do is find ways to prevent burn out, but it seems like all I'm really doing is finding new ways to exhaust myself.  Between the demands of being a full-time student and a "part-time" employee of a church (there's no such thing as "part-time" in ministry), I feel like I'm in a downward spiral that's only going to get worse.  However, it has been in these moments of weakness where I have had some of my favorite "ministry moments."

About a month ago, I strongly considered quitting.  I was done with church politics; I was tried of the constant struggle to make it through the week, all the while pretending to be happy.  That weekend I decided to introduce a song which was pretty controversial to the children's department.  (Any song that doesn't come off an album that includes the word "Kidz" in the title is controversial).  Verse by verse I began to teach the kids a song/hymn called "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" and it spread like wildfire.  It was probably one of the most moving things I have ever experienced hearing a room of thirty to forty 1st-6th graders singing (and singing loudly) "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, though none go with me, still I will follow..."

Last night was a similar story.  I was exhausted as we started the worship set at our 530 service.  I was ready to hand in my two week notice and move on to other opportunities and never look back, but last night was different.  Every year my church holds baptism services where we call for people who have never been baptized before to publicly display their faith.  While lines of people began to form to be baptized, I couldn't help but think of what a good friend of mine had told me when I first entered ministry, "We have the blessing of being there when people experience life change, when they experience God.  That's not something to be taken lightly.  We are constantly put in the position for God to move through us, so make sure you are ready."  All at once I began to full grasp what was happening.  People were conscientiously choosing life.  It was a beautiful and overwhelming thought.  I watched as these people walked from their seats, got into a small inflatable pool, and publicly told around 800 people that they believed Jesus Christ had redeemed them and loved them.  It was too much to handle.  I will never forget how last night made me feel and how appreciative I was that God would use me as an instrument in that time.

Why is it that I have found a two of my favorite moments in ministry in times of deep burn out?  I think its a combination of two different ideas.  In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  In addition to that, Jesus also say in Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings its own worries.  Today's troubles are enough for today."  In both situations, I was at the ends of my rope, ready to give up.  And yet Jesus says that I will be comforted and sustained in these times of need by taking things one day, one moment at a time.  I'm not saying being burnt out is essential to finding rest in Jesus, but trusting that Jesus will bring you rest is essential to recover from burning out.

I know I'll feel burnt out again, who knows, it might even be this weekend or maybe next week, but truth is it doesn't really matter when it'll happen next.  What's important is that I take a step back and take a look at God's greater weave, knowing and trusting that rests comes in the morning.

Beautifully Broken

Peace is something that just doesn't come easily to me.  I'm a worrier.  I over-think and over-analyze any and every situation I find myself in.  It's not like I want or like to always be concerned, its exhausting, but that's just part of who I am.  Regardless of how much scripture I read, if I'm really honest with myself, I still have a hard time understanding what exactly peace is.  I find myself asking the question,"Is peace really possible in times of pain, or should I just accept that I'm always going to feel this way?"  It's a pretty uncomfortable and vulnerable place to be, and I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

A few weeks ago, I think I got my answer to peace.  It came in the form of an out of the blue song suggestion that a good friend gave me.  Here are the lyrics:

"Peace Come Over You" - The Rocket Summer

Bottled up, felt the pain before but not this much.  Oh my God, it's real, How will I ever heal?  Here are your new eyes, it's time to see life with brand new sight.  How could I now ever see positively?  It's hard trying to hold on with all that I have lost.  It all seems so wrong, but I trust You are God.  It's hard to know when I'll recover fully, it might be slow.  And what would I ever do if I did not have you to hold me back from throwing in the towel and not looking back on everything you have done and what you've overcome.  It's hard trying to hold on with all I have lost.  It all seems so wrong, but I trust You are God.  So will you hold me, as I'm crushed, my heart is in peaces.  And although I'm strong when I bleed, right now, I'm just too weak.  Peace come over you, feel the peace come over you.

It may sound crazy and take it as you may, but the whole time I sat and listened to the song, I felt like I was being prayed over.  It was unmistakable.  I finally felt like it was okay to have a difficult conversation again with God.  I had forgotten that God doesn't just want my praise, he also wants my pain.  To put it simply, I let God be God again.  I haven't cried as much as I did on that day in years.  It was nice to see the beauty in brokenness again.  I'll forever be grateful to have been blessed by this song suggestion.

One More Day

I had coffee with a friend of mine last night.  She's someone I look up to in so many ways.  She's definitely the anchor in my close group of friends, always being the one who seeks stability and peace.  In addition to that, I believe she has also made it her personal mission to make sure I don't make too much of an idiot of myself in a single sitting.  I love it.  I need more people like her in my life.

For her privacy, I'll refer to her as Kelly.

Kelly has been having a rough time lately.  She described her situation last night as a "plateau."  Life has thrown her so many curve balls these last few months that she's having a hard time knowing that things she held onto so dearly are certain anymore.  Growth has been her biggest problem.  She's in a season of confusion and normalcy in her faith and she hates it.  It's no secret to anyone that Kelly is a bit of a worrier, but I love that about her, because she's always a few steps ahead of me.  Unfortunately, this worrying about what's next and when this drought will end has begun to numb her.

After about an hour, we started talking about Matthew 6:34.  In this verse, Jesus says, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."  Now within scriptural context, Jesus is talking about provision, or "our daily bread," but we started to discuss this verse within the context of faith.

I truly believe that the faith that got me through yesterday isn't nearly enough to get me through today or even tomorrow.  We live in a time when the world, or satan, or whatever you want to label is constantly moving, growing, and evolving.  Everyday we wake up with a target on our backs for pain, suffering, and brokenness.  We aren't supposed to make it one more day.  In response, we too must be in a constant state of movement, growth, and evolution.  We must daily ask God to give us the faith we need to get through one more day.  I don't think there's anything wrong with being on your knees at the end of each day, telling God, "I don't know if I can make it another day" because I believe each time He asks, "Can you make it just one more?"

To be honest I don't know really how our conversation went last night.  By the time we had finished, Kelly was pretty drained and just wanted to go to bed.  I walked her back to her place, and she thanked me and went inside.  All I left with for certain was that she had made it one more day, and that come the morning, her mercy's would be renewed and that she would look to find the faith to make it through one more day.