Beautifully Broken

Peace is something that just doesn't come easily to me.  I'm a worrier.  I over-think and over-analyze any and every situation I find myself in.  It's not like I want or like to always be concerned, its exhausting, but that's just part of who I am.  Regardless of how much scripture I read, if I'm really honest with myself, I still have a hard time understanding what exactly peace is.  I find myself asking the question,"Is peace really possible in times of pain, or should I just accept that I'm always going to feel this way?"  It's a pretty uncomfortable and vulnerable place to be, and I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

A few weeks ago, I think I got my answer to peace.  It came in the form of an out of the blue song suggestion that a good friend gave me.  Here are the lyrics:

"Peace Come Over You" - The Rocket Summer

Bottled up, felt the pain before but not this much.  Oh my God, it's real, How will I ever heal?  Here are your new eyes, it's time to see life with brand new sight.  How could I now ever see positively?  It's hard trying to hold on with all that I have lost.  It all seems so wrong, but I trust You are God.  It's hard to know when I'll recover fully, it might be slow.  And what would I ever do if I did not have you to hold me back from throwing in the towel and not looking back on everything you have done and what you've overcome.  It's hard trying to hold on with all I have lost.  It all seems so wrong, but I trust You are God.  So will you hold me, as I'm crushed, my heart is in peaces.  And although I'm strong when I bleed, right now, I'm just too weak.  Peace come over you, feel the peace come over you.

It may sound crazy and take it as you may, but the whole time I sat and listened to the song, I felt like I was being prayed over.  It was unmistakable.  I finally felt like it was okay to have a difficult conversation again with God.  I had forgotten that God doesn't just want my praise, he also wants my pain.  To put it simply, I let God be God again.  I haven't cried as much as I did on that day in years.  It was nice to see the beauty in brokenness again.  I'll forever be grateful to have been blessed by this song suggestion.