I'm pretty burnt out, there's no doubt about it. I work in a profession where half of what we do is find ways to prevent burn out, but it seems like all I'm really doing is finding new ways to exhaust myself. Between the demands of being a full-time student and a "part-time" employee of a church (there's no such thing as "part-time" in ministry), I feel like I'm in a downward spiral that's only going to get worse. However, it has been in these moments of weakness where I have had some of my favorite "ministry moments."
About a month ago, I strongly considered quitting. I was done with church politics; I was tried of the constant struggle to make it through the week, all the while pretending to be happy. That weekend I decided to introduce a song which was pretty controversial to the children's department. (Any song that doesn't come off an album that includes the word "Kidz" in the title is controversial). Verse by verse I began to teach the kids a song/hymn called "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" and it spread like wildfire. It was probably one of the most moving things I have ever experienced hearing a room of thirty to forty 1st-6th graders singing (and singing loudly) "I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, though none go with me, still I will follow..."
Last night was a similar story. I was exhausted as we started the worship set at our 530 service. I was ready to hand in my two week notice and move on to other opportunities and never look back, but last night was different. Every year my church holds baptism services where we call for people who have never been baptized before to publicly display their faith. While lines of people began to form to be baptized, I couldn't help but think of what a good friend of mine had told me when I first entered ministry, "We have the blessing of being there when people experience life change, when they experience God. That's not something to be taken lightly. We are constantly put in the position for God to move through us, so make sure you are ready." All at once I began to full grasp what was happening. People were conscientiously choosing life. It was a beautiful and overwhelming thought. I watched as these people walked from their seats, got into a small inflatable pool, and publicly told around 800 people that they believed Jesus Christ had redeemed them and loved them. It was too much to handle. I will never forget how last night made me feel and how appreciative I was that God would use me as an instrument in that time.
Why is it that I have found a two of my favorite moments in ministry in times of deep burn out? I think its a combination of two different ideas. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." In addition to that, Jesus also say in Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings its own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today." In both situations, I was at the ends of my rope, ready to give up. And yet Jesus says that I will be comforted and sustained in these times of need by taking things one day, one moment at a time. I'm not saying being burnt out is essential to finding rest in Jesus, but trusting that Jesus will bring you rest is essential to recover from burning out.
I know I'll feel burnt out again, who knows, it might even be this weekend or maybe next week, but truth is it doesn't really matter when it'll happen next. What's important is that I take a step back and take a look at God's greater weave, knowing and trusting that rests comes in the morning.
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